You know not the day or the hour

I have been hearing about this youn man for months.
Creative,charismatic and full of energy. He came to the annual alumni meeting and shared his plan to get ECSU on track.

On 7/28/14, the Virginia Pilot profiled this amazing man.

http://hamptonroads.com/2014/07/new-ecsu-administrator-targets-declining-enrollment

On 7/29/14, we learned that he had tragically died in an horrible car accident. We know not the day or hour that we will be called HOME.

I pray that God comforts his family, his classmates, colleagues and ECSU Viking family.

I ask in his honor support ECSU, the university that he had grown to love and act on your dreams ...As he sure did.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Don't discount knowledge because it comes from a cracked vessel

We have the grammar police.  The clothes police. The hair police. The relationship police.

Everyone, seems to think that they have permission to correct someone else. I think everyone is guilty of this.  Shoot, I know that I am.

Now, don't get me wrong...I don't think we should live in a rule less society.  Nope, I just think we should pick our battles and check our motives. Or we reaching out to help or to just show off?

We should write and speak grammatically correct.  I do my best but sometimes I get confused.  I don't mind a gentle correction to help me get better, but acknowledge what I did well before you correct me.
Sometimes, I think people are too busy enjoying the power that comes with the act of correction; that they forget that to correct is to improve. 

Although, I will do my best to properly structure my sentences and use appropriate grammar. I know that I won't . I will have misspelled words and run on sentences. Grammar police, forgive me.

I know when, I speak that I will miss pronounce words. I know when I dress, I may have a wrinkle or two. I know that my blonde short afro may shock you and at times my salty language, may disturb you.

I simply ask, don't let the things that YOU MAY FEEL THE NEED TO CORRECT,  stop you from receiving the lesson, that I intend to communicate.

Our greatest lessons may come from vehicles that are not attractive or as polished as we may like. Never forget that. Lastly, before you correct..compliment.  The person will most likely view your next action in a more positive manner.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Exquisite and Unique

Sometimes, people become conditioned. People especially become conditioned to other people and how they are impacted by events.

If, you have a steady "normal" life people expect you to be happy and accept it.

If, you "normally" react in a steady manner, expect you to ALWAYS act that way.

When, someone reacts differently or takes an unpopular stance against something and their reaction is not their pattern. ..they get the side eye.

I often wonder why , people assume that different and change is bad. When, my job ended people expected me to be sad. I was expected to be desperate for another job.  I wasn't sad. I was nervous but excited.  I was exhilarated.

When, I fought it, people I thought would help...became frightened. They thought, I would be angry..I wasn't.

I am in rebound mode. I am resilient.  I am unique and exquisite. I want you to know that you are unique and exquisite.  I want you to be open to change, shoot I want you to embrace change. I want you to shake off that condition shackle mind thinking. I want you to respect reactions that go against your "norm". Communication is reciprocal, but sometimes you got to listen and think before you reply.

We are unique and exquisite. Own it.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Music soothes the heart, excites the soul and enlightens the mind

I love music. I mean, I ♡music.
I ♡all kind of music. My parents introduced me to country, rock and roll, jazz, classical, old timey gospel and r &b.

My older brothers introduced me to everyone from Bob Marley to Frank Zappa to David Bowie to Elton John. I was in heaven.  Music welcomed me with open arms. Any and everything that I felt was conveyed in the music that I was listening to.

It was poetry with a sound track. Then my brother brought Parliment into our home. What in the world? Who was this black space man talking about funk? Handcuffs? What was this beat? I was transfixed. I had to see this group in concert.

I got my chance. Me , my brother and play cousins went to the Norfolk Scope and saw the mother ship come down. Wow....

Unbeknownst to me, my mind was being expanded and was viewing genius.  I was being shown there are no rules. Free the shackles off your mind. Wowwwwwwwewwww.

On that night I became a funkateer.  I am a fanatic.  I had just been introduced to the soundtrack of my youth. 

Music has the power to comfort and inspire. When I need to feel powerful, I reach for funk as my inspiration.  When I need for my soul to be soothed, I reach for jazz. When I want to feel love, I reach for p hilly soul. When I want to feel closer to God, I reach for old school gospel.

Music is what you need it to be.

"Free your mind and your ass will follow." George Clinton

http://blogs.channel4.com/kylie-morris-blog/pioneer-funk-george-clinton-road-reclaim-legacy/304

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

I am a bad ASS Woman

I am a BAD ASS Woman. I take risk.

I advocate for others. I believe in dreaming. I encourage others to dream. I follow my dreams. I believe in setting goals. I believe in micro steps towards these goals. I believe that one person can change the world. I believe that I am that one person.  I believe that you are that one person.  I believe struggle is good and that it strengthens the soul.  I believe failure is necessary as it strengthens your mind. I believe in being scared and I don't believe in being frightened.  I believe in laughing out loud. I believe in smiling broadly.  I believe in cursing. I believe in being quiet. I believe in making mistakes.  I believe in bad grammar. I believe in the power of pets. I believe in Love. I believe in God. I believe God is in me. I believe in me.  I believe in silliness and sappy romantic movies.  I believe that a BAD ASS Woman is complicated and not perfect. 

I am the daughter of Bob & Ray C. Williams. 

The sister of Mike, Jeff & Kenny Williams. 

The wife of Terry Cullins. 

However, the most important reason why I am BAD ASS is because I am Vickie R. Williams - Cullins- I am ME!!

Embrace your badass. Embrace YOU!

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140725041711-5854825-ten-rules-for-badass-women?_mSplash=1

Watching from the Sidelines

Someone got the promotion that you wanted.
                       #watchingfromthesidelines

Someone got the new car that you wanted.
                       #watchingfromthesidelines

Someone received the job that you know that you deserved.
                       #watchingfromthesidelines

Someone got a new home.
                      #watchingfromthesidelines

Someone just got married and you still single.
                      #watchingfromthesidelines

Everyone watches from the sidelines. Everyone feels a little tinge of jealousy or envy. If they say that they don't they are not being truthful to themselves. I know that I do. I see folks receive opportunities that I KNOW  that they did not deserve. I have been promised opportunities and the promises seemed to have dissolved in thin air.

At times it gets to me. At times it really does. Then, I realize that there life is not mine. I am amazing. If others don't see it..that's not my fault.  I have to create my niche.

I have to create my opportunity. It is so easy to get caught up in all the doors slamming and the no's being thrown around. The negativity gets under your skin.  You can't seem to shake it, so instead you #watchfromthesidelines.

I am here to whisper in your ear these words:"don't believe the hype."

Get off the bench. Go get your life. Success is unique. Happiness is unique. If you must compare, add the caveat that uniqueness is critical in the equation.

My brother told me, that what is divinely designed for you, is for you. Nothing and I mean nothing can stop it. Own that my friends and soon you no longer will #watchfromthesidelines

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Women vote and yet we are seemly still powerless

Yesterday, I read an article titled " Women go to the polls more". Women vote at easily 10% higher then men. Even though, we have proven we have the power, it does not show in the laws that are made.

For example, the Supreme Court's recent decision regarding Hobby Lobby outraged women as it allowed this company to choose not to cover contraceptives due to religious reasons. I was outraged and often wonder why it seems that mygonist men are allowed to be in positions of power to decide on what is best for women.

Case in point, in Virginia men in the general assembly decided to put in place laws that were so restrictive that clinics who offered abortions were put our of business. I mean really. What right do men have to be involved in our vaginas. I mean really.

What really is disturbing is that we are electing these folks. We are a powerful voting block. Why are we not DEMANDING laws that protect us. Why are we in 2014 still fighting for equal pay? We are a powerful voting block, yep, I said it again. Why aren't we using our power. Most health insurers cover Viagra but have challenges covering birth control...what?

We as women must collectively get together and demand that the white male congress listen to us. In Virginia, we as women must collectively get together and demand that the white male general assembly listen to us.

I am sick of not being heard. I am sick of white males impacting our laws. It is time, ladies to put our high heels down and DEMAND action. We no longer need to be reactive, we must be proactive.

I think that I will start a think tank......If you are with me SCREAM!!

www.opndoor.com

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Catastrophic loss, can you recover?

Have you ever experienced a catastrophic loss? I have. What is a catastrophic loss? It can take many forms. Here are a few examples: loss of a job, loss of a parent,  loss of a sibling, loss of a child, loss of a niece or nephew, loss of a marriage,  loss of a home and yes even the loss of a pet.

I have experienced many of these catastrophic events. Each affected me painfully but differently. The loss of my best friend forced me to face death. The death of my father forced me into adulthood. The end of my long term relationship forced me to reinvent myself. 

The death of my mother rocked me to my core. I was lost. I had no compass. I made many mistakes. I questioned God and cursed Him. Then I experienced losses of women who were instrumental in my woman hood. Boom bam. I was shook.

I regained my footing and then I lost my job. Well ,just damn. How do I recover? 
I was in shock. I was. I was scared. A 20 year career gone. I tried to think.

Losses impact you mentally, physically and emotionally. You should grieve a loss. No one can tell you how and how long to grieve. Movement is helpful.  Moving your body and your mind. Listening to music helped soothe my soul and troubled spirit. Starting new projects get you out the house. Volunteer.  Helping someone while you are hurting helps too. Talk to someone who will JUST listen. Sometimes you just need to talk and when you are ready for advice, guidance, counseling. .reach out. Most importantly know that you are never alone.

You can recover from a catastrophic loss. You will just need to forge your own path. It will be hard and some days you will think that you cannot go on, but you will. Why because you are valuable and your existence Is necessary. Recovering from a catastrophic loss will be the most painful and necessary event in your life and you WILL find that you are strong & resilient.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

5 steps to becoming resilient

re·sil·ience\ri-ˈzil-yən(t)s\
noun
: the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens
: the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.
Full Definition
1 : the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress
2 : an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change
Origin: (see resilient ).

Are you resilient? Do you bounce back? Or when trouble comes do you sink like you are walking in quick sand?

Becoming resilient is no easy feat. Here are 5 steps to becoming resilient. So when trouble comes:
1. Face it
2. Learn from it
3. Own the outcome
4. Find the good in it
5. Use it as a foundation for something better.

Experience is the best teacher in becoming resilient. Trouble will come. You just got to be prepared roll with it. So today take a minute to rest &  recharge. Meditate on your challenges and visualize solutions.  Be flexible and keep on pushing forward. You can and will recover.

Today, work towards resilience.

Www.opndoor.com

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

A friendship on fire

A marriage requires a number of things to keep it going; Communication, boundaries, same values, intimacy and a friendship on fire.

What is a friendship on fire? It's when you have two people who communicate, are honest with each, open with each other,  have fun, argue, fight fair with each other and support each other. Then you add love to the mix. Love keeps the friendship bubbling and interesting. 

My hubby and I have a great funny difficult marriage.  We are our own persons but we share the same values. We value God, our marriage, our families, our friends and our communities.  We can have fun anywhere.  We are both intelligent quirky folks and can have a wonderful time with just us or with a ton of folks. We each have our own beliefs and we disagree a lot. Arguing is healthy folks!

We connect in a cerebral way. He knows me and I know him. We have challenges and we continously work to be better. 

We set boundaries and have our own activities and friends.  We are not joined at the hip but when we are together, everyone knows.

At ever juncture we support each other. I am now going through the most challenging time in my life and this dude ain't going to let me fail.

T is perfect for me. My marriage is perfect for me. We ain't perfect and don't do everything right...but it works for US!

Your relationship is your unique friendship on fire. Do not allow anyone to judge or destroy it. You choose your best friend and you stay as long as you need to. Be it 48 days or 48 years.

Www.opndoor.com

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Good friend - vs - smart friend

Friendship is a wonderful thing. Friendship colors our lives. Friendship should be the foundation of any marriage or love relationship. Question, do you REALLY know how to be a friend?  I mean REALLY?

I have always had friends. As a child I had a best friend. We were 5. We lived across the hall from each other. We would play happily at each others home..Then something would happen.  Someone would get mad. Doors slammed.  Loud stomping ensued.

Morning would come and we would be friends again.  This pattern followed me to adulthood.  I had a temper. I spoke my mind. I was often inconsiderate of others feelings. I took everything seriously.  Too seriously.  I rarely apologized and just allowed time to harden my position. 

Becoming a dispute resolution professional was essential in my quest to become a good friend.  Although, I kept secrets,  I learned to be a confidant.  I learned to own up to my part in the mess. I apologized. I set boundaries.  Oh, yes I set boundaries. 

I learned everyone who is friendly ain't your friend.  I am candid but respectful. I now understand friendship is understand whe re someone is and accepting them for WHO they choose to be.

To be a good friend also means you know when to dissolve the relationship.  You also have to understand that you will sometimes hurt your friend and be hurt. The difference in a friendship that is good for you is that you are okay with apologizing. Why are you ok, cause you VALUE this friendship and your friend VALUES YOU!

The difference between a good friend and a smart friend is a good friend is a yes man, a follower, a shmoozer, a make you feel good and never tell you no.

A smart friend supports you but will disagree with you.  A smart friend will apologize.  A smart friend can say I can't do it and the smart friend will not hold it against you. A smart friend can discern when a friendship is toxic and a smart friend has enough courage to dissolve the toxic relationship all the while wishing that friend well.

I strive every day to be a smart friend; which one do you strive to be?

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Don't give up , don't ever give up

I have always long admired Stuart Scott.
He is an articulate, funny, smart, fine, cool ass dude. Then he got cancer. Then I got cancer. Then his came back. In awe I watched him work.  I read the articles about his fight.  Having cancer is hard.  It is like really hard. It takes a team and you must be the head of that team. You can give in, but never give up.

My dad, who eventually succumbed to cancer told me this:"if I die trying to live that's my choice."

You have the power to do anything.  Cancer is simply something else you need to overcome.  Stuart Scott speech applies to anything in life you have to fight or recover from.  So per the late Coach V,
"Don't give up, don't ever give up!"

Scott ESPY speech: http://youtu.be/tuNrSrHUgso

Challenges - face them, conflict coaching,

Every day for me presents a new challenge for me. Today, I will sit for a practical test to determine if this new opportunity is for me. I don't know what to expect. ..but I am not nervous or anxious. 

Today, may be challenging for you. I have no magical words other then face it.
Now, if you are having challenges communicating with a loved one..that's where I can help. You see, I am a conflict coach. You may ask witw is a conflict coach. Well,  I have always helped guide people on how and when to say the right thing.  Then, I discovered Cinnie Noble and learned the term conflict coaching.

You see the power to communicate more effectively is in you. You just need someone to help you pull it out. That's what I do. I am your guide to maneuver through the smoke and mirrors of conflict.  I will help you face that challenging conversation.

Challenges strengthen us. They are needed and critical to our growth. Failure is not an option. No matter the outcome,  the experience WILL strengthen you.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Be inspired - excited - informed & empowered to change your world!!

I have often been told that my speeches, my talks are inspiring.  I have been told that my authenticity shines through. I have been told that I am funny and real.

This is your opportunity to hear me. To view me in action. I will share with you my hills and valleys. I will ask you to share your triumphs and shortcomings.  We will have fun and learn from each other.

Look to see you there! !

http://www.prlog.org/12347747-introducing-the-2014-life-and-favor-womens-conference-my-story-my-identity.html

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

A moment of enlightenment

What a wonderful weekend!
Enjoyed being with my sistAh girls. Enjoyed meeting my cancersoulsister in person!
Enjoyed observing a parenting class that I plan to host and facilitate
Enjoyed learning to communicate.
Did you know when you communicate that you should do it in a manner that the receiver would best receive it....
I mean who knew?
We tend to communicate the way that we want to...whew growth
That is enlightenment, folks!!

A small moment in time with women that you respect and love can do wonders for you!

One small moment in time can enlighten your soul.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Fighting fair

Everyone loves a good fight?  Right?
Everyone,  except the folks fighting.
A fight grows from a disagreement.
Sides have formed and it has spiral ed out of control.

You are now in a fight. You need to decide if you want to save or rebuild the relationship.  Or do you want to let it go?

Let's say you want to save the relationship.  You now need to decide what you are willing to live with and live without.  You must decide what is the goal. What do you want to see accomplished.

Next,  you need to work on when you can conversate..have a dialogue.  Now this dialogue may not give u immediate satisfaction. .but it should provide insight as to the actual core issue that needs to be addressed. 

Your role during the conversation is to remain open to solutions.  To watch your tone and tempo.  This process takes time.  Be patient.  Remain open. Keep calm. The solution is there. You just have to work TOGETHER to find it.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Facing life and absorbing love

Yesterday,  I received some news. It wasn't bad and It wasn't good. I am still in the trenches. Still in the fight.  Just this time...I ain't troubled or anxious.  I am taking control and demanding  respect. I am taking steps.

Then, I learned my classmate/ls was in town.  She had been ill and I wanted..no I needed to see her. She and I had been cool since high school.  I needed to lay my hands on her.

What joy it was to see her,my other 2 line sisters and 2 of my favorite chapter sorors. We LAUGHED!!! The love in the room was tangible. I so needed this.

Love + laughter × friendship=strength

Although,  we all are going through. .This moment in time ....was essential. I thank God that our common denominator is DELTA...As membership truly has it privileges.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

30 days of Time

A recent Facebook post saddened me. One of my Facebook friends shared that her doctor told her she had 30 days. 30 days to live.

I was flabbergasted. How do you respond to this? She has cancer. I have cancer. She no longer has access to a study that was keeping her alive because of someone's oversight.  I am flabbergasted that someone's mistake causes this.

I pray the doctors are wrong. I pray that a gifted creative light Will continue to shine.

Time is a luxury.  One that we waste. We have to balance time. Hard work is great but rest is essential.  Time with loved ones is priceless.  Time spent following your dream is powerful. Time spent worrying about losses, bad decisions and bad loves are damaging.  Time spent remembering family, friends, ancestors and mentors is helpful and soothing.  Time spent planning your future is exciting.  Time spent doing nothing is refreshing.

What are you doing with your time? Are you healing or hurting?  Are you wallowing or reaching? Time can be SNATCHED from us in an instant. It is your greatest gift,  use it!

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Trouble in any relationship is a given, but you do not have to create an environment that encourages it to stay

Trouble is to be expected.  All relationships experience trouble.  Personal and professional experience trouble. Why? Simply, because we are all different. We have different goals, agendas and values. When these items don't mesh, we have conflict.

Relationships are a constant negotiation.  We reposition and compromise.  These are the tools that we must strengthen.

We create an environment that allows trouble to stay when we are not open or remain unwilling to reposition or compromise.  Sometimes, you need help to change this environment.  This is what a conflict coach does. She helps you unearth the very tools you already have to help you mange trouble.

I am your conflict coach of choice. Contact me vickierwilliams@opndoor.com or
@ 757-816-4478.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Conflict Resolution is Needed

Mediation is just one prong in the mediation tool box. The foundation of mediation is also its purpose - conflict resolution.

Recently, there have been incidents violence between partners that resulted in murder.

Yes, murder.  A former star murdered is wife over money. Two more incidents of brutality resulted in the deaths of two beautiful women and the arrest of two men.

What happened?  We may never know the truth but we know that conflict resolution did not happen.  Now conflict resolution is no shield to stop a murder. .but perhaps having the tools to stop a argument from escalating. ..

Perhaps. .just perhaps.  Nothing, justifies violence. .nothing. We should all strive to resolve conflict in a healthy manner.  It is difficult but necessary.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva

Hey I missed you

Busy busy last few days.
I was provided an opportunity to participate in talk radio. I spoke about conflict resolution and how to have the difficult conversation.
It was exciting and it proved to be another platform to share my expertise in the difficult conversation.

Next it was jazz festival weekend,  which is a national holiday in Hampton. Parties everywhere.  I tried to make most of them.
I danced the night away with the hubby and enjoyed friends.

Monday, came and I did some networking and purchased tools to grow my business.

I work hard and play hard. I must say that I missed you guys and I promise I won't stay away so long.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva