Love and disappointment

Today is my Mom's birthday. She would have been 80 years old. Bob as many called her, was the yin to my daddy's yang.

High school sweethearts,  they remained married until the day that he died. Smart, beautiful and strong. She could handle anything.  She was a iron fist in a velvet glove.

When he passed, I was afraid that she would go shortly after. So afraid,  I asked her. She said no, she was going to live. And live she did. She manged her business,  Bobbie ' Cleaning.  Worked In her church and the community.  We went to concerts and broad way shows.

Together, we handled everything.
Then kidney disease showed it ugly head.
Kidney failure is a brutal side effect of the diabetes that she had battled for years. Kidney disease frightened my mother. I had never seen my mother frightened.  I saw her fearful..but not frightened. I was determined to be brave for her.

She hated it. She did not want to go on dialysis.  She only went when her doctor told her she would die.

She did it. Then, I got cancer. Then , I had to be brave for me.

For 9 months, we fought our medical demons. We had victories. I finished chemo and married my T. She had many valleys.  Many, but she fought them.

Then, came the final valley or the greatest victory.  November 23 2008 is seared in my brain. I found her on the floor.  She was on her pallet. The TV blaring. I knew. I was on the phone. I ran to her. Her hair was damp. She was cold. She had passed peacefully in her sleep. She did not suffer. It is hard to convey my feelings. I could only think, why? Why now?

I was angry with God for  a very long time.

I finally got it. It was her time to go home and be reunited with Ray C.

I get it. I was to learn about real courage. She taught me so much, but this final lesson was powerful.  I needed courage to manage this unexpected loss.
I needed to face it by myself.  I did. I planned her funeral and spoke at her service.

I was brave.

Since, her passing, I have experienced many valleys. I have been down, but never out.  I remain brave, simply because of her lessons.

Happy birthday Bobbie Jean. Thank You for the lessons.

The Adventures of Vick the Communication Diva.